Smart Talk





by Lisa B. Marshall
– The root problem of any organizations is a communication issue. – If you are able to become a master communicator, you are almost unstoppable.
First impressions are very important, size each other up very quickly. – One study shows that we decide if we like someone or not in 1/10th of a second. Other studies show that it is within the first 30 minutes that we decide if we like someone or someone likes us. – A good introduction is a statement or question interesting to the other person. – A good intro: 1. Make it interesting to your audience — what can you share that lets you have common ground with them 2. Shake hands. It shows trust and can make or break a deal. 3. Say the persons name when shaking their hand – Even if you are apt to look at the negative in someone, remember that he couldn’t production that is finding common ground.
Conversation Starters – Conversations or how we build trust and ability. The skill to start a conversation with anybody at any time will greatly help you and could determine your success or failure. Successful people can start a conversation with anyone. 1. Cultivate a welcoming attitude — show genuine interest and talk to them. Most people are happy with someone takes the lead in the conversation. Sam Walton at a 10 foot rule – whenever someone comes with a 10 foot of you, look them in the eye and speak to them.
Smart Talk by Lisa Marshall Book Summary by Jeffrey Bush 1
2. Pay attention to everyone and everything around you. You do not have to go to everything, but you should be aware of what is going on around you, know the latest news. 3. Be genuinely interested in others — you will get more people interested in you by getting interested in them. Ask them a question or start a conversation to get to know the person better. 4. Listen and look for common ground – do not worry about what you’re going to say next, just listen to what the person is talking about it find common ground in that area. 5. Ask open ended follow up questions – many conversations lose momentum because no one knows what else to talk about. Ask them a question that will help them open up another area. 6. Share your stories and appreciate – it is through our stories that we connect.
– When someone is going through a loss of a loved one, divorce or hard time, do not say you know how they feel. Be loving and comforting.
Follow-Up – A fortune is in follow-up. – No matter how good of a conversation you had, without follow up people will forget you. – Follow up is what changes simple chitchat into solid relationships. – Consistent follow-up will seal a deal. Marketers say that you need 9 to 11 touches before someone will buy a product, but how many times it may be is definitely more than once… Follow up – Any form of communication is better than no form of communication. Instead of waiting to send a special gift or letter, shoot a simple email or text and at least touch base with the person. – When you hear or learn something useful, pass it along to other people. – Be persistent but patient. Be consistent and don’t procrastinate.
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– Diplomacy, in short, it’s not what you say but how you say it. – Good business requires good relationships. – People are far more willing to work with you if they know you have their best in mind. – Diplomacy rules: 1. Don’t criticize – you’re looking for improvement, but that does not mean you have to criticize. 2. Be appreciative – show appreciation but don’t overdo it with saying things that are not true, flattery. 3. Put yourself in the other person shoes – see it from their angle, what they think. 4. Choose your words carefully – our mouth does not come with any eraser, so choose carefully what you’re going to say. You do not have to say “it is white, you can say it is not black”. Do not use words like “always”, “never”, “every time”, etc. Be careful not to say something you are going to regret later.
How to Accept Criticism: 2. Practice healthy responses. 3. Don’t react immediately. Pause for a moment, breathe and take time to think. 4. Remember it is usually intended to make you better (the company or team) not to destroy you… no matter how negative it was given to you. 5. It comes from a person. Some people just do not know how to communicate well, but very likely they’re not mean spirited. 6. Soar above it. Even if it isn’t public, don’t react mean words or losing your temper, other people are watching and you can in example just by handling the criticism correctly. 7. Diffuse criticism with gratitude. Behind every criticism is an opportunity of growth. Surprise someone with being thankful when your criticized. Very likely they will not know what to say, and it is appreciated. 8. Understand the criticism. Tell them you did not realize it and would like to understand better. Thank them. Look into it so that you can grow.
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9. Do not respond with name-calling or blaming others. 10.Give thought to feedback. In order to listen, you have to shut up. Listen and reflect. Ask yourself if there’s something you can learn from it, is there a grain of truth in what they said. 11. Don’t vent. We think that’s what friends are for, but we might do more harm than good by telling others all the problems about that person. 12.Decide how to respond. Thank them for their comments or ask them to explain, but have a plan on how to respond. Don’t ignore it, respond to them. 13.Move on. Respond, let it go or do what you have to do, but do not become bitter over it. Put it out of your mind and move on.
How to Handle a Difficult Situation: – No one likes a bad or negative atmosphere, but you cannot avoid confronting the conflict. – Deliver the bad news thoughtfully, tactfully and respectfully. 1. Consider the other person’s perspective. How would you want to be treated? I would you want to be talked to? Be compassionate remembering the other person’s feelings and situation. 2. Choose the right time and place to talk. 3. Address root issues ahead of time. By talking about issues as they come up, you can avoid bigger problems. 4. State your observations. It’s best to get the bad news upfront. Be specific so that they don’t think the problem is with them as a person yet with their work. 5. Ask questions to gain understanding. Ask them to tell you if you’re understanding write or say it in their words. Don’t assume anything, let them say it in their words and explain their motives. 6. Listen. This is sometimes the hardest, but let them talk. Don’t play the blame game, it will not get you anywhere. Just listen. If you don’t agree, acknowledge what you have heard.
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7. Present alternatives. That should come only after the other party feels that they have been heard. 8. Sum up and wrap up. You can say “this is what I heard from you, what did you want me to hear from you?”. Once everything is clear, focus on the steps. Suggest to meet at another time to go back over it. – Handling difficult situations will determine your leadership in many areas. No one enjoys conflict, but it must be worked out. Handling difficult situations is at the core of all relationships.
How to Deal with Difficult People: – Try to limit your interactions with the difficult person. – Realize that they may just be having a bad day or a hard time. – Try to lighten the situation with a little humor. – Find something you both agree on. Don’t respond emotionally. – Some people think they know it all but instead of fighting with them or challenging their knowledge, just tap into their knowledge. Often a know it all is just begging for respect it if you give it to him then he will be very happy. – Whining can be infectious, so don’t join someone when they complain and whine about something, be an positive agent of change. – When someone procrastinates instead of getting mad at them thinking that they are lazy, try to find out what they are good at and do like. Some people work better when they have a deadline and mile markers along the way. – Many times of people are grumpy it is not because of you brother because of things that are happening in his or her life. Be patient with others. If someone does have a problem with you, confront them about it gently and nicely.
The Art and Science of Persuasion: – Persuasion is the ability to move people from one idea or decision to another.
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1. Reciprocity – when you’re kind or do a favor for someone, they often feel like they are in debt and need to repay the favor. Arrive early to work, do your job and help other people so that they are willing to help you add a moment of need. By helping others, you are creating in a way that others will help you later on. But remember not to do favors and help others just to get favors in return because that is not the right motivation… it is only a result. 2. Commitment and Consistency – usually when someone makes a commitment, they want to follow through with it. 3. Authority – we have the tendency to follow what authoritative figure tell or recommend to us. The persuasion doesn’t come from just general authority, you could become an authority in an area by knowing more or doing better than others in that area. 4. Likability – many things that are done are a result because we like someone and want to do it. We like people who are like us, complement us, and are courteous to us. You can learn to increase how someone feels about you by finding what you have in common and complementing them. 5. Scarcity – it has been proven that when we don’t have something, when it is scarce, we want it. People react more in fear of not wanting to lose something that they do about wanting to paint something. Got to be careful not be manipulative, but do let people know that the decision to act or purchase must be made soon.
The Art of a Deal, How to Negotiate: When persuasion fails, it’s time to negotiate. 1. Realize everything is negotiable – it never hurts to ask. But be careful how you ask for something, it is important that you remember to respect at the same time. Just because they say no does not mean it is over. 2. Do your homework – go into a situation knowing what you’re talking about how the other party works and thinks. 3. Show how the other party’s needs will be met 4. What is your best alternative if it does not work out like you want it 5. Suggest ideal alternatives for both parties 6. Open lines of communication 7. Avoid early commitments
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8. Have patience 9. Don’t take it so personal – if you take things too personal, you will get off track and lose momentum.
– It is very easy to fall into negative like patterns. Positive words can help almost any situation. – It takes thoughts and habits to change a negative wording pattern, but it is possible. – Don’t respond negatively, respond positively. – Avoid accusing, blaming or whining. – Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your behavior and words. Avoid using words such as always or never or can’t.
The Art of Charisma or Charm: – We like people who like us. – The key to charming personality it’s a find commonalities, similarities and genuine value. – If people don’t like you, you will not get hired or others will not get along with you and life will not be as easy. – Charisma or charm makes other people feel like they are the most important person in the room. – Charisma or charm means showing genuine care for others while at the same time exuding authority. – Teams thrive or cannot work together because of people not getting along. – One study says the 85% of someone’s happiness is a result of how their interaction with other people is. Happiness comes down from having meaningful interactions with others. – If you can create positive moments for other people, it will in turn create positive moments for yourself.
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1. Accept yourself – it’s hard for other people to accept you when you do not even accept yourself. 2. Respectful to other people – when it comes to charm, remember that its about the other person. Treat others how you would want to be treated and how they would want to be treated. You probably remember moments when someone said something nice or good about you, and so others remember when you say something nice and good about them as well. 3. Show empathy to others – understand their position and problem. There’s a difference in consoling someone who has as a poor attitude, that needs help as well. The empathetic is putting yourself in their shoes. Until you connect with people, you really do not know what they’re dealing with. Maybe they have lost a loved one, maybe they have a sickness, maybe something tragic is happening in their life. 4. Show appreciation and gratitude towards others – be specific about what you appreciate in others. Everyone wants to feel appreciated. 5. Express sincere flattery – there’s a false flattery and there is a flattering complement that is truthful. Genuine flattery is also noticed praise and is much better than plain flattery. If someone did a good job, let them know how it helped you and how well they did. Be specific about the compliment. Try to be timely, your compliment should be given at the right time. 6. Be humble – when you are giving a compliment, humbly accept it. Not just in area of compliments, be humble in every area, the words you use in the way you act. 7. Admit mistakes – it is better not to make mistakes, but that is not realistic. When you do make a mistake, don’t hide it rather admit it. Be quick with a sincere apology. After you specifically and gently ask forgiveness, find out how you can best make restoration. 8. Smile – even a stranger with a smiley face is likable and doesn’t feel like a stranger. 9. Remember the details – often a charming person will remember the insignificant details. People will like you more if you’re more comfortable when you remember the little details. 10.Get close – Emailing and texting a person is one thing, but meeting in person is something totally different.
Smart Talk by Lisa Marshall Book Summary by Jeffrey Bush


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