The Complete Negotiator

complete
by Gerard Nierenberg
– Life is not a game that only one can win, it is more that both sides can win.
– You get further in life by understanding the other person.
– Instead of thinking your ideas are the rational ones and the other person’s are
irrational, spend more time trying to understand the person instead of condemning the
person.
– You should listen to the other person. This does not mean that you have to change
your premises but it doesn’t mean that you can understand the other person to work it
out better.
– A successful negotiation is one in which everyone wins.
– Negotiation requires communication, which requires both listening and speaking.
– People show more of their attitude by nonverbal actions than they do verbally. Learn
to look at how they are communicating verbally, pay attention. A good negotiator
listens with both the eyes and the ears.
– Keep control of the situation by not responding according to their reactions.
– You control the climate, the climate does not control you.
1 Te Complet Negotatr by Gerard Nierenberg
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The Coaching Habit

coach
by Michael Stanier
– Coaching should be a daily, informal event not a rare, formal event that is announced.
– Coaching lies within building and helping others.
– Theory is no good if you do not know how to put it into practice.
– Ask just one question and then keep quiet and listen so they can respond.
– Small talk might be a way to start up, but it rarely leads to a good conversation piece.
– Be careful not to coach for performance but for development.
– If you know what questions to ask, get straight to the point.
– Instead of warming up or waiting around hoping to get to the point, just ask the
question and then shut up and listen to what the person has to say.
– Tell less and ask more.
– Ask one more time. We tend to not ask enough, so for clarity sake, make sure to ask
one more time.
– Learn to say “and what else”.
– Do not ask a rhetorical question, ask a real question.
– Begin with “what’s on your mind?”
– The reasonable man adapts himself to the world, the unreasonable man tries to adapt
the world to himself. Therefore it is the unreasonable man that makes the progress.
– Commit more slowly by not saying yes or no so quickly. Listen and ask questions.
– When you have to say no, make sure it is clear that you’re saying no to the task and
not note to the person.
– There are book ends to a good conversation when coaching someone: “what’s on
your mind” to start and “what was most helpful to you” to finish.
– Add more curiosity. A little less advice and a lot more of curiosity will get you further.
1 Te Coaching Habit by Michael Stanier

The Energy Bus

bus
by Jon Gordon
– Everything happens for a reason, whether you look at it like that or not.
– Everyone has problems that they have to deal with, but you can choose to be happy.
1. You are the driver of your bus – you are the one who has to take responsibility for
what happens in your life.
• People feel like they do not have a choice of where they work or what they do, but that
is not true.
• You can choose where you are going and how the ride is on the journey.
• Many do not think that they have a choice, they just go through life. But it is time to
take the wheel and begin steering in the right direction.
• First decide what you want and then begin planning out your journey. Do not let the
world decide for you, decide yourself what you want and how you will get there.
2. Focus – move your bus in the right direction.
• When you buy a car, all of a sudden you see that car model everywhere you go. The
reason is because of focus, you now think about it.
• Thoughts are magnetic, you attract what you think.
• You have to focus. Spend time thinking about what you want, not what you don’t want.
• When you complain, you attract more things to complain about.
• Behind every gold-medal are hours spent imagining when and how they could win.
1 Te Energy Bus by Jon Gordon Book Summary by Jeffrey Bush
3. Fuel your life with positive energy – You have to fuel yourself or you will run out of
fuel.
• Positive energy will push you forward but negative energy will be like sludge in your
lifeline.
• Where there is a negative, there is always a positive. Where there is a dark cloud,
there’s always a sun shining behind it.
• There is both positive and negative energy, whichever you feed the most will be the
strongest.
4. Invite people to get on the bus with you and share your vision with them.
• Remember that you are the one driving the bus, but you constantly have to invite
others to come along with you and share your vision with them.
• It is important to ask your team to get on the bus with you, you cannot do it alone.
• The enemy is negativity.
• Everyone gets knocked down, but you must get back up.
5. Don’t waste your energy with those that are not going to get on your bus.
• It is simple, some people will get on the bus some will not get on the bus. Don’t waste
energy or time worrying about those that will not get off the bus, just drive your bus.
• Don’t take it personal, maybe these people were meant to get on another bus and not
yours. Maybe they would make your bus miserable if they were on it.
• When you waste energy worrying about people who will not get on your bus, you are
neglecting and taking from those who are on your bus.
6. No energy vampires on your bus.
• There are energy vampires that will suck energy out of you, make your ride miserable
or discourage others, but do not waste time with them.
2 Te Energy Bus by Jon Gordon Book Summary by Jeffrey Bush
• You have to let people know that any negativity will be put off of the bus or be let off at
the next stop. You have to take a stand. You cannot afford negativity on your bus.
• Sometimes you just have to talk to the negative people and tell them that they either
they’ll have to change or get off the bus. Of course you want them to change, but if
they will not change then you have to get them off the bus so you can continue your
journey.
• Your positive energy must be greater than anyone else’s. Your certainty must
outweigh everyone else’s certainty.
• Even though you kick some people off your bus, there will almost always be more
negative riders than positive ones. You have to have more energy and constantly deal
with them.
7. Enthusiasm attracts more people to get on the bus and let’s them enjoy the ride.
• Positive energy is like muscle, the more you use it the stronger it becomes.
• We cannot expect others to want to get on our bus, let alone have positive energy, if
we ourselves do not have positive energy.
• You cannot expect others to get on your bus if you’re not willing to get on their bus —
by believing in them, thanking them, and being kind to them.
• When you are excited, it makes other people excited enough to get on your bus and
go where you are going.
• People get more excited about your enthusiasm than they do your product.
8. Love your passengers.
• Enthusiasm is important, but love is the answer.
• Love your customers, your employees, your company and your family. Share the love.
• People want to be recognized and cared about. People want to be appreciated and
know that you care for them.
• If you treat people like a number, they will work and act like one. If you love people,
they will love you back by surprising you and working hard.
• People do business with people that they like, and that like them.
3 Te Energy Bus by Jon Gordon Book Summary by Jeffrey Bush
• Enthusiasm is what will get people on your bus, but love will keep people on your bus.
• Love is a process not a goal.
• Help people find their strengths; who they really are what they can really do. Help
people and you’ll be glad that you did.
• Five ways to love your passengers:
1. Spend time with them – when you love someone you will spend time with
them. Be totally with that person when you’re spending time with that person
and focus only on that person and not everything else you have to do during
that day.
2. Listen to them – everyone wants to be listened to. Empathy is the key. Really
listen to the person.
3. Recognize that they are there – write a letter, thank them openly, raise them
in public, etc.
4. Serve them – the higher you get, the more you should serve those under you.
Serve and help their growth so that they will enjoy being on your bus.
5. Bring out the best in the person – the more you love someone, the more you
want the best for that person and their success. Help them find their strengths
and utilize them.
9. Drive with purpose.
• Purpose is the ultimate fuel to help us as we drive through life.
• Almost everything will become monotonous after a while, even the big
accomplishments, but purpose will keep things going and the energy flowing.
• Doing what you do will get old, but remembering why you do it, your purpose, will
keep things fresh.
• Share your purpose with your team consistently.
10. Have fun and enjoy the ride.
• We only have one life and one chance to ride, so enjoy it.
• Don’t compare your bus to the other buses, just drive yours and enjoy the ride.
• We are too blessed to be stressed!
4 Te Energy Bus by Jon Gordon

The Go-Giver

GoGiver_JKF_darkerred-1
by Bob Burg
You have to give in order to be successful. Just as you cannot expect heat from the
fireplace until you put on a log, or withdraw from the bank without depositing first, so
you must give in order to be successful.
You do not necessarily get what you want but you do get what you expect. What you
focus on is what you’ll end up getting – if you go looking for trouble, you will find it. If you
see the world as a dog-eat-dog world or take-advantage-of-place, etc., it will likely be
just like that to you. The world treats you more or less the way you expect it to treat you.
So here are the Five Laws of Stratospheric Success:
1. The Law of Value. – It never hurts to be kind to people.
– It is not necessarily the food that you eat at a restaurant but the service and
experience that you have at a restaurant.
– Everyone likes to be appreciated, that is the golden rule of business.
– People will do business with anytime with a business that they like.
– A good restaurant will provide food, but a great restaurant will provide food and
service that cannot be found anywhere else.
– True worth it is what you get in value instead of what you get paid for.
– Does what you do serve and add value to others. After you ask that question,
then you can ask if it makes money. If you exceed peoples expectations, you will
make money.
– The point is not to get more money but to give more.
– More has been done in the world through people (inventions, breakthroughs,
etc.) giving to the world than trying to get from the world.
– Giving is not a strategy but a way of life.
1 Te Go-Giver by Bob Burg Book Summary by Jeffrey Bush
– Your true worth is how much you give in value, not how much you take in
payments.
2. The Law of Compensation. – Your income is determined by how many people you serve and how well you
serve them.
– Your compensation is directly affected by how many people you touch.
– If you want more success than find a way to serve more people.
– There are no limitations on what you can make because there are always people
you can serve.
– Everybody can be successful because anybody can give.
3. The Law of Influence. – Your influence is determined by how abundantly you place the other person’s
interest.
– If you place the other person’s interests first, your interest will always be taken
care of.
– Survive, save and serve – they are the three reasons for work.
– Develop a network — A group of people that know you, like you and trust you.
– When you base your relationships on what people owe you instead of what you
can do for them, you are in a losing relationship. Do not keep tabs on who owes
you what.
– Forget about the proposition of 50-50, that is a losing proposition. The only and
winning proposition is 100%, when you’re doing the best for the other person.
– Forget the win-win idea and focus on the other person’s win.
– When you help other people get what they need, they will help you get what you
need.
– What makes people attractive and magnetic is their giving – they are givers.
Givers attract.
2 Te Go-Giver by Bob Burg Book Summary by Jeffrey Bush
– Scratching someone else’s back because they scratched yours or being a “even-
Steven” is not what the goal is. You must do more than just what you received
from the other person. Stop keeping score.
4. The Law of Authenticity – Whatever it is, you can excel by adding value.
– If you need money, add value; and if you need a lot of money, add a lot of value.
– The most valuable thing that you have to give to other people is yourself, who
you are. No matter what you think you are selling, the real thing that you are
selling is yourself.
– If you want people skills, then be the right person. Being the right person is worth
more than 10,000 of the best closing techniques.
5. The Law of Receptivity – The key to effective giving is to stay open to receiving.
– It is better to give than to receive. Good people give all the time.
– When you give, you will receive and you must learn to receive well. To deny the
receiving is to hinder yourself – you will naturally receive after you give.
– Every giving can happen only because it is also receiving. We give out what
plants need and plants give out what we need.
– All the giving of the world will not work unless you make yourself willing and able
to receive as well.
3 Te Go-Giver by Bob Burg

The Insanity of God / The Insanity of Obedience

by Nik Ripken
In his first book “The Insanity of God” seem to me to be more of a inspirational book,
just giving testimonies of people persecuted that he (Nik Ripken) interviewed. I loved
some of the stories and they were very moving. The conclusion of the book was not
very appealing to me because I felt like he was saying that he went to tell people about
Jesus and ended up being told about Jesus (pretty much his words). I understand what
he was saying, at least I think so, but I think the danger could be that people can
translate it as “there’s no need for missionaries to go because they already have the
Gospel everywhere”. I also think that it can be dangerous if people get the idea that
instead of going to start churches, we just go find persecuted Christians and talk to
them. Sounds exciting to find and talk to people who are living in restricted areas, but
we must be careful to not make young people think that the Great Commission is only
for restricted areas, the persecuted, or is already being done… so all we need to do is
go get their stories (or as in some books, just give the money instead of send more
missionaries). There are many great tools used and needed for getting the Gospel out,
but the Great Commission still says “go” and we can’t replace that.
As far as “The Insanity of Obedience”, it was still inspirational (although he repeated
several stories) but moved a little more towards informational. I certainly couldn’t agree
with everything, but I found some great nuggets in his book. Here’s some of the great
points in my opinion:
• For every 1 male in overseas service, there are approximately 7 women.
• Less than 10% of students at Christian colleges are studying or even considering
going overseas.
• We think that others should share the Gospel and even be willing to be
persecuted, yet we are not willing to let our own children go overseas to serve
God.
• The only thing harder than going overseas, is sending our children overseas.
• When asked Muslim converts what they had learned from Western Christian
missionaries, they responded that the missionaries taught them how to be afraid.
(I personally have seen this traveling in restricted countries in both Asia and
North Africa — some missionaries have made the converts more afraid of their
government than they would have figured out on their own).
Te Insanit of God / Te Insanit of Obedience by Nik Ripken Summary by Jeffrey Bush
• One of the greatest problems of overseas missionaries is fear – fear of learning
the language, putting the kids in the school, visas, harm, etc.
• Your fear is the greatest tool that you could ever give to the devil and overcoming
your fear is the greatest danger to take from the devil.
• Many Christians around the world live in persecution, so comfort is not the norm,
persecution is the norm.
• Often the fear of persecution is greater than the persecution itself.
• Witness is not a matter of freedom it’s a matter of obedience.
• Much of our building churches today has to do with taking care of the 99 sheep
that have already been found and very little has to do with the 1 sheep that is
lost.
• Discipleship should never be an excuse for not evangelizing.
• People who followed Jesus gave up something. People who follow a westerners
want to get something.
• We cannot expect that spending a couple of hours a week will change someone
– Jesus lived with His disciples 24/7.
• Our western style of teaching someone (when a student does not even know
where the teacher/professor lives) is not effective if we truly want to get the job
done.
• Discipleship should not be a mere transfer of information but learning of
character.
I do not know the author, but several things point to being heavily charismatic – he talks
about visions, healing, etc.
He states (or heavily alludes to) someone getting saved and immediately turning into a
house church leader. I agree a new convert should get involved quickly and witness but
I do not think he should be a “pastor/shepherd” right away.
So in conclusion, I thought there were some excellent and moving stories in the book. It
should wake many people up. But if the underlying message is to not push sending
missionaries rather go find those already saved (which is not a new philosophy), I would
tend to disagree with that.
Te Insanit of God / Te Insanit of Obedience by Nik Ripken

The Intimate Marriage

intimate
by RC Sproul
– Why do we have marriage? Is it just some traditional thing that we do. Marriage was
created, ordained and instituted by God, not by man.
– Marriage is one of the greatest institutions created, but is also one of the most
dangerous. Marriage is where you can have the greatest happiness as well as have
the greatest disappointments, most frustration and most pain.
– They were naked and unashamed. Nakedness is usually equated with shame – no
one wants to be naked in front of others. Yet God sees us naked and still loves us.
The only place that nakedness is not a shame is in the bond of marriage.
– You can be naked in your marriage in every way – should never humiliate each other,
rather totally open. The clothes are off because you have nothing to hide.
– The Bible many times uses the phrase “to know” as to have sex with… not because
the Bible is avoiding the word sex, but because intimacy is truly knowing someone.
– You can impress someone by putting on cologne, looking macho or dressing nicely,
but what will they think of you when they truly know you. Marriage is truly knowing
someone. When dating, you only think you know someone, but in marriage you really
get to know the person. Intimacy takes place when you truly know someone.
– Marriage cannot be sustained by feelings, you must have knowledge… we must get
to know our spouse.
– To have knowledge, to get to know something, we must study it.
– Two reasons why people cannot have sex with their spouse (although we try to call it
impotency or fidgety, etc.)
1. Fear
Fear of performance. But the more you demonstrate love, the fear
vanishes. Perfect love cast out all fear according to I John 4:18.
Fear of being hurt physically – some women have been abused as
children or even raped. (Some husbands may be tough, but not tender.)
1 Te Intmat Marriage by RC Sproul Book Summary by Jeffrey Bush
Fear of discovery – that your kids will walk in, no privacy, etc.
Fear of pregnancy
We need to communicate to find out what each other are afraid of, we
should never force our spouse to do something they do not want to do.
2. Guilt – of past sins, etc. We must get rid of guilt.
– The three biggest enemies of harmony in marriage, according to secular psychologist,
are: sex, money and interferences of in-laws.
– Words or disregarding remarks are a great destroyer of marriages.
– The book of Song of Solomon is filled with complements between spouses. The
tongue and usage of words is very important in marriage.
– The book of James says that the most destructive member of the body is the tongue.
With it we bless God and curse man.
– We say that sticks and stones may break our bones but words will never hurt us, but
that is a lie. We can break an arm and heal, but the words cut deeper and hurt us.
– When first married, you went out of your way to cherish your wife, and your words
were one of the biggest ways you did that… and you still can and should do that.
What you say with your mouth will reveal how much cherish your wife.
– There are certain things that we cannot take back – a flying arrow, etc. And in that list
is a spoken word. We may say something and then say we should not have said it,
but it is too late. Think before you speak.
– Psychologist say that it takes 9 complements to outweigh 1 criticism.
– As Christ is preparing to present his bride unblemished & perfect to God, so should a
husband with his bride – not with bruises, or marred up, but perfect.
– We are to love our wife as we do our own body, to love and cherish her – that is my
job, to love and cherish her.
2 Te Intmat Marriage by RC Sproul

The Leader in You

leader
by Dale Carnegie
– You cannot lead by directive, you must leave by influence.
– The ability to communicate with people is essential in leadership. It’s what turns a
good idea into a great idea, it’s what ignites people.
– People will not listen to what you have to say unless you have a sincere interest.
– Treat people as if they are smart and capable and then get out of their way – that will
get the job done. Respect them and appreciate their work.
– Making someone feel important is not a one time thing, it is several little small things
such as returning a phone call, remembering their name, thanking them, etc.
– Good listening is key to affective communication.
– Good listening is better than speaking other languages or knowing all about every
subject.
– No one could possibly know everything. Listening to others is the single most
important thing in learning.
– No one is more persuasive than a good listener. You almost never forget a good
listener when you meet one.
– Good leaders talk in plural, how we need, how we accomplished, etc. People need to
feel like their contributions are important.
– Share the glory but always accept the blame.
– Criticize your mistakes before anyone else gets an opportunity to do it.
– Think twice before you criticize or blame.
– If you do have to criticize, walk softly and do not bring along a big stick. Praise first
and then critique a kind way.
– If you are shouting for arguing with someone you have already lost.
– Be quick to admit mistakes and slow to criticize.
1 Te Leader in You by Dale Carnegie Book Summary by Jeffrey Bush
– Set goals, they give us something to shoot for and look towards. Without goals, it is
easy to drift. A goal is a dream with a deadline.
– Patience and perseverance will accomplish more in this world than a fast run at
something.
– Having a goal is important but is only half of it; the other half is discipline and focus.
– Leaders do not lose focus, they keep their focus.
– Consistently high-performance comes from a balance of both hard work and leisure.
You have to have both to continue for a long time.
– When something is going on and you are worried, you have to ask yourself how much
it’s worth. Is it worth losing a night sleep, a week of anxiety, etc.? Very few things are
worth worrying so much about. Keep things in perspective.
– Instead of worrying so much, ask yourself what the reality of this coming to pass.
Next, what is the worst case scenario if this happens. And lastly, what can you do to
fix or help the situation.
– There are very few motivators as a positive, upbeat attitude.
– The way to be enthusiastic is to believe in what you are doing and believe in yourself
that you can do it.
– True enthusiasm is made up of both eagerness and assurance.
2 Te Leader in You by Dale Carnegie